


The Holy Or The Broken Hallelujah

by DarchangelSkye



Category: Canadian Idol RPF, Canadian Music RPF, Music RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Hospitalization, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Present Tense, Suicide Attempt Aftermath, Wordcount: 500-1.000, Written in 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-08
Updated: 2010-08-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 00:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/106161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarchangelSkye/pseuds/DarchangelSkye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Could be worse,' he muses. 'The worst could've actually happened this time.' The dark upside to that possibility was he wouldn't have to know how much he's disappointed everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Holy Or The Broken Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> Based on characters and situations from the LiveJournal RPG Songchoice.

Every time Drew opens his eyes, he hopes this has been one long, too-realistic nightmare. He'll awaken in his own comfortable room, the love of his life beside him, and he'll be without pain or uncertainty.

The bright, sterile whiteness of the hospital room tells him he's wrong once again. The stiffness of the bedsheets, the soft beeping of some machine beside him, and especially the flaming pain up his arm confirm this.

With heavy eyes, Drew rolls his head to the right to see his heavily-bandaged wrist. He tries curling his fingers into a loose fist without much luck. Either his nerves are still too shot, or he's just too numb to bother.

_Could be worse,_ he muses. _The worst could've actually happened this time._ The dark upside to that possibility was he wouldn't have to know how much he's disappointed everyone.

"Knock-knock," a voice he knows all too well sounds from the doorway. Drew feels his heart rise and sink in the same instant.

"Mookie said it'd be OK to come in now," Gary says quieter than usual as he steps to the bedside. The handful of roses he clutches are red as his eyes (upon Drew's inspection) and his outfit is certainly more formal. He could be attending a board meeting.

Or a funeral.

Drew musters a weak (half from the sedation, half from weariness) smile. You don't exactly being flowers to the person you're about to dump, right? "Hey, baby boy."

Gary lays the roses on a bedside table (no windows or windowsills in this part of the hospital, can't be giving anyone ideas) and desperately hugs around Drew's shoulders. He's obviously trying not to cry again, but the emotional wall could break down any minute- which makes Drew feel worse.

"Hey, now," he soothes and rubs the back of the young man's neck, which does nothing to alleviate his guilt. His own worst suspicions are confirmed, he's just a selfish bastard who doesn't care about hurting the ones he loves.

"This is my fault," Gary moans. "I should've gotten to you sooner."

_C'mon Gare, you're not making this any better,_ Drew thinks, but cuts himself off as he remembers it's not all about him. "You had no way of knowing," he murmurs and kisses his love's forehead.

"You didn't know where I was an' you freaked out! Earl told me everything," Gary says as he lowers himself into the seat beside the bed but still holds to Drew's shoulders.

Drew sighs heavily and takes his closest look at the young man's face. He hadn't even looked like this at their eliminations- there is no acceptance now.

"It wasn't about you," he says as carefully as he can. "That's what the anxiety does. All it takes is one little trigger and bang, sensory overload. That's what the meds are for."

Gary draws himself away. "You promised you wouldn't forget them again."

He's rarely, if ever, been on the receiving end of Gary's steely voice, but he knows he hates it. What he has to say next is barely a feeble excuse, but it's all he has.

"I thought I'd be fine. You ever heard of conditioning yourself to get over your fears?"

The young man folds his arms over his chest and grumbles, "Well I don't like sharks, but you don't see me jumpin' in the tank at SeaWorld."

Drew chuckles and sits up straighter. Maybe a little levity is a sign not all hope is lost for them.

Silence hangs thickly in the air for a long moment as the two keep their gazes to their hands. Drew has no idea what's going through Gary's mind (_please don't let it be what I think it is just give me one more chance please please please_) but he knows all too well what he has to say next.

"I'm sorry you all had to get caught up in this. I...wasn't thinking." Gingerly he traces the bandage as if it were someone else's hand. "I'm never going to try that again, you should know that." He raises his gaze to Gary's, waiting for the young man's expression to switch to the look that says _Pull the other one, it's got bells on._ But no change. Drew continues, "The doctors said I need a month of counseling when I get out...it'll be good to have someone on the outside to talk to...to clear my head."

"I'm takin' you if I have to drag you," Gary mumbles.

Any other time that would sound like an insult, but it means the opposite for Drew. The faint smile returns to him and he rubs the weariness from his eyes. "You're serious?"

Gary finally raises his gaze again and relaxes his arms. "I can't hate you, Drew. You might worry me to the point of my own nervous breakdown, but we said we'd support each other through whatever happens, remember?"

_I remember,_ Drew doesn't say, but pulls Gary close to rest the young head near his heart.

"...I love you, too."

"So you're not forgettin' me?" Gary asks after another silence, a hint of uneasiness still in his voice. "Not even when you're off on your big tour an' it takes Unknown Culprits god-knows-how-long before we can sign a proper deal?"

Drew nuzzles his face in his love's hair. "Never," he says with the utmost conviction.

"Mm." Gary curls his arms around Drew's waist, and the two just let their quiet breathing fill the air. Of course they both know it'll be a long time before things are as back to normal as can be. But for now, while the moment is filled with reassurance, they just want to know what's between them is unbroken.


End file.
